Friday, January 28, 2011

When the Left meets the Right the Pun Begins

Grandpa took me into town to get our yearly haircuts one sunny and warm day. As we walked into the barber shop grandpa espied his ol' friend BB sitting there awaiting his turn too. As we passed him grandpa just grinned and gave BB a nod and a wink without saying a word. BB, in turn, did the same.

When it was their turns both grandpa and BB took their usual chairs, one on the extreme right and the other on the extreme left. As they settled in the whole room went silent as if they were expecting something to happen.

As if on cue everyone's head turned to BB as he said this.

“ Hey, grandpa did you hear that nice young humble libertarian preacher, Wes, over at The Humble Libertarian got married last month?

Grandpa responded by saying, “No, BB, I didn't. Did he marry a nice girl?

BB answered by saying “ Well after he married her he found out that she was into making moonshine but he loved her still.”

After chuckling a bit grandpa came back and said this.

“ Hey, BB, I heard that pretty young gal, Shaw, over Progressive Eruptions got accepted on the police force and I guess she intends on enforcing environmental laws very strictly. “

BB, inquisitively asked, “ Ohhh, grandpa, and why do you think this?

Grandpa answered by saying, “Well, you know Tim over at Left Coast Rebel. His dog gave birth to a bunch of pups along side of the road last week and she cited it for littering.”

Hey BB, I heard the perfect description of Socialism from my granddaughter when she was visiting last Christmas."

"And what was that" asked BB.

"Too many cooks and not enough food" answered grandpa.


“Grandpa, do you know what they call 144 newly elected Republicans?”

“No, what?”

BB smiled and said, “gross”


Grandpa had the last word when he said this

“Obama had a dream where he met President Washington.

He says, "George, what can I do to make things better for the people?"

George Washington says, "Repeal Obamacare"

Obama replies, "Oh, George, I can't do that."

The next night, Obama dreams again but this time Thomas Jefferson is there. "Thomas," Obama says, "what can I do to make things better for the public"?

Thomas Jefferson replies, "Repeal Obamacare" Obama says, "Ugh! You, too? I can't do *that*!"

The next night, Obama dreams yet again, and this time Abraham Lincoln is there.

"Abe Lincoln," Obama says, "what can I do to make things better for the people"?

Lincoln thinks for a moment and then says...

"Er.... Go to the theater."

That's all folks, have a good day.


BB-Idaho said...

Only barbershop in town; never figured, even though
he's got a striped pole outside, they call him 'Hank The Butcher'.
Small town, while Grandpa and I were getting our ears lowered, ol Leroy ran into a power pole on his way home from Tillie's Bar.
Put the eastside in the dark, but the sheriff tracked Leroy down cuz' the front bumper & license
plate from his Pinto was still wrapped around the pole. Small town- Widow
Murphy just started a load of clothes in her washer when Leroy knocked the power out. She put em in the back of the pickup and ran through the northside
car wash a couple times.
For a small town, we're punny..ever since the optometrist fell into the
lens grinder and....made a spectacle of hisself...

The Griper said...

yup, a whole lot of truth can be seen in your words, BB, even tho we can be mighty contrary at the same time.

and we sure do make a whole lot of noise about the peace and tranquility in our little neck of the woods.

and the punny thing is that we're full of complaints but none would change a thing in our little country side of the hills.

BB-Idaho said...

Don't think Grandpa was at the barbershop a couple months back. Ol Woody, as usual was complaining about
the cost of a hair cut. Hank stopped snipping on Woody's gray hair and says,
"Dang, Woody, everything is
more expensive these days.
Yesterday the Mrs. took her sick duck into the veterinary surgeon. She laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed Mrs. wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the Mrs. looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat.. The cat jumped on the table and
also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the

The vet looked at the Mrs. and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to my Mrs. .
She was still in shock, when she took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If
you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
..he started snipping again, "So, Woody, stop yer complainin. :)


Words of Wisdom of my visitors

Grab This Widget

Gas Buddy

Search for gas prices by US Zip Code


Design by Amanda @ Blogger Buster