Marriage, the Institution of the Fights?

As we were sitting down at the kitchen table playing a hand of cards, grandma accused grandpa of cheating. Grandpa with a big grin on his face denied it vigorously. For the next few minutes, they had a little playful set to while I sat back in my chair trying to hold back a laugh. Grandpa finally put the card he was hiding up on the table but still denying he cheated since he had never used the card yet.

At the sight of this a thought came into my head and I said that there was one thing that I’ve never seen them do that seemed to be common among the parents of my classmates, have a real fight. Grandpa looked at me with a startled look then he let out the loudest "GUFFAW" and told grandma that this was hers to deal with. Grandma just chuckled as she nodded then with a twinkle in her eye said,

“ Boy, it’s a good thing you weren’t around when we were first married. Your grandfather slept out in the barn quite a few times. He didn’t sleep there because he preferred sleeping with the animals either. We had a few real good battles, even put a couple of dents into my best iron skillet as it felt the back of his head.

Then again, before we were married, I had a reputation of not taking any nonsense from the boys that asked me out on a date. Got to where all the boys were afraid of asking me out. Then along came your grandfather. He assured me that he wasn’t afraid of the reputation I had and even went so far as to tell me he hoped that what he heard was true. Said he needed someone like that to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Well, anyway, one day I was jumping all over your grandfather’s tail because he forgot to do something that day. It was a day I’ll always remember too. When I got finished chewing him out good he just looked at me and said,

‘ I love you and need you.’

Then he just turned without saying another word and walked out of the house.

As I was looking out the window I saw him doing what he had forgotten to do and as I watched him thoughts of what he said to me went through my head. I knew he loved me, that was never doubted. It was what he said with it, that he needed me that got me to thinking.

My thoughts went back to what my mother told me one day. She said, ‘Marriage, girl, is a special and unique union between a man and a woman. Marriage isn’t as much about love as it is about need. A man marries a woman because he has needs that only a woman can fulfill. A woman marries a man for the same reason. She has needs that only a man can fulfill. In the unity of marriage there is a fulfillment of these needs that cannot be found in any other relationship.’

My thoughts then went back to the day of our wedding. I remembered those two words that we said to each other. I realized that those two small words were probably the two biggest words I would ever say for they were words of a vow, words declaring a promise.

At that moment, I renewed that vow. I knew then, I wanted to keep that promise that I made to your grandfather. I made a promise to myself to fulfill those needs and to do so without thought of my own. I also made a promise to myself to trust in your grandfather to fulfill mine. As time went by, I found that my trust growing deeper each day. Your grandfather fulfilled them as he promised and even found some needs that even I did not know I had.

Now, don’t get me wrong, boy, that day did not end our fighting. We still have our fights but those fights now have a different tone and meaning. They have given greater meaning to what we have and to what we are to each other. One more thing changed on that day. Each fight we have now will always end with one of us saying,

‘I love and need you.’

Then she chuckled as she ended by saying, “So, boy, you see that we are just as normal as the parents of your friends.”

Grandpa only responded by giving a great big “HUMPH!!!!!" then with feigned contempt of the last words she said he added, "Girl, you are not normal. You always were and still are the best of the bunch and that is why I married you.”

I busted out laughing and couldn’t help the feeling of warmth growing within me at knowing that these two persons were my grandparents.